05/19/98 A Surprise Visit From INS

"Mr. Pinkerton's surprise visit accomplished its goal---surprising Ryan and Gillian. The INS agent overheard Ryan and Gillian's loud squabble over their apparent lust for Mateo and Hayley and threatened to pull the plug on their sham of a marriage. Ryan tried to convince Pinkerton that the argument was a lovers' quarrel, but Pinkerton didn't guy it. Fortunately for the squirming newlyweds, Mateo and Hayley wandered into the livingroom and were able to offer some help. When Pinkerton told the couple what he'd overheard, Mateo broke into forced laughter. Hayley figured that her husband was up to something and laughed along with him. Gillian and Ryan, completely unaware of what was going on, decided that they'd laugh along too. Mateo noted that every couple has fights but was quick to note that making up after the fight was a pleasure all its own. Pinkerton agreed with Mateo's logic, but that alone wasn't enough to convince the agent to call off the dogs, so to speak. Pinkerton asked to see Ryan and Gillian's bedroom. He wanted proof that the pair was sharing a bedroom and not just claiming to be a married couple. Everyone exchanged nervous glances. Mateo and Hayley "remembered" that they had something to do and excused themselves from the room. Ryan and Gillian tried to stall as long as they could, but Pinkerton demanded that he be allowed to see their bedroom. Even a speech by Ryan proclaiming that he is in love with "every part" of his new bride failed to satiate the agent's hunger for proof. Ryan and Gillian led Pinkerton a tour of every wing and nearly every room of the castle. Finally, he became tired of the tour and demanded that he be taken to their bedroom. Hayley popped out of one of the nearby rooms with a plan. The room from which she exited was really her and Mateo's room. Since the newlyweds were not sharing a room and their personal affects were in separate rooms, Mateo and Hayley decided to pretend that their room was really Ryan and Gillian's room. That spared them from having to hurriedly move Ryan's stuff back into Gillian's room or vice versa. When the group entered the bedroom, Mateo was rummaging through "Ryan's" closet looking for one of his ties that Ryan was said to have borrowed. Pinkerton went into the bathroom to make sure that there were two toothbrushes and the like. When he returned to the adjoining bedroom, he asked Ryan and Gillian to tell him what shampoos they use. Hayley, her back turned to the INS agent, carefully mouthed the names of their shampoos to Ryan and Gillian. Pinkerton conceded that everything appeared to be on the up-and-up, but he stopped short of telling the pair that he believed everything they'd told him. Once Pinkerton left, it was time for Mateo and Hayley to have a little discussion with the new bride and groom. Hayley asked to speak to Gillian in private. She told Gillian that "playtime [was] over." Hayley told Gillian that she knows that times have been hard for her---she's lost her family castle and her bottomless supply of cash. So Hayley issued Gillian a warning to keep her wandering eyes off of Mateo. If she caught her flirting with her husband, Hayley assured Gillian that she'd waste no time in sending her "back to Hungary on a Popsicle stick." Downtairs, Mateo asked Ryan if he enjoys "being a man." Ryan shrugged and replied that he loves being a man. "I mean the whole package," added Mateo. "From head to toe." Mateo asked Ryan to think of the one part of his body that he'd "hate to lose in a vicious manner." Ryan cast a quick glance down towards the ground. Mateo smiled. He warned Ryan that he would lose "little Ryan" if he flirted with Hayley or even blinked inappropriately in Hayley's direction. The ladies entered the room and Hayley announced that she and Gillian had come to an agreement. Mateo nodded and said that he and Ryan had likewise reached an understanding. Matt and Hayley left the room and allowed the newlyweds to mull over what had just taken place. They looked scared---very scared. They both agreed that they needed to act more appropriately in the future. Ryan asked Gillian if they could at least try to make their marriage look legitimate and then asked if he could return to sharing a room with Gillian. "You can move your stuff into my room," Gillian replied. She quickly clarified that while Ryan's belongings would be in her room, Ryan would still be sleeping in a separate room. Mateo and Hayley returned to the room with a pitcher of iced tea as a peace offering. Gillian showed Hayley a copy of the latest fashion magazine. Both women took particular interest in a rose tattoo that one of the models was sporting. Mateo heard mention of the word "tattoo" and immediately recalled another of his visions---the vision in which Hayley got a rose tattooed on her back, a tattoo that mysteriously started oozing blood. Mateo became very worried, so worried that he crushed one of the glasses he'd been holding in his hand.

Jack stood silently at the entrance to Erica's bedroom. Something made Mike look up from his position beneath Erica and when he did, he saw Jack standing in the doorway. He waved, a move that prompted Erica to ask him why he was "practicing [his] parade wave... to thin air." Erica continued her attempt to free her necklace, which had gotten stuck on Mike's robe. When Mike calmly noted that a stoic man was standing at the doorway, Erica forgot all about possibly damaging her necklace. She gave the chain yank and stood up from the bed. She knew she'd have a lot of explaining to do. Mike approached Jack with his arm extended. He introduced himself as Mike Roy. "Mike Roy," Jack growled. "You're dead." Erica quickly stepped in between the two men, unsure if Jack was threatening Mike or merely stating that Mike was supposed to be dead. Outside in the hallway, Opal listened carefully to the conversation. "I'm here because I'm her fiancé," Jack said coldly as he motioned towards Erica. "She's here because she lives here. Why are you in her bed laying on top of her." Erica was furious that Jack was questioning her actions. She felt that Jack should have taken her at her word when she said that she and Mike hadn't done anything. Erica blurted out that Mike was a spy. Mike slapped his forehead and shook his head. So much for the secrecy of his mission. Jack listened as Erica told him how she, too, had doubted that Mike was really a secret agent. She told her fiancé about her near-death experience at the warehouse. Still Jack didn't believe a word of Mike's tale. He asked Mike which agency he was a part of and what mission he was on. For reasons of "national security," Mike refused to answer. Jack referred to Mike's top secret agency as a "fertilizer factory." Again, Erica insisted that she and Mike hadn't engaged in any hanky panky. Jack didn't think it was unfair for him to wonder why Erica and Mike---both wearing very little clothing---were in bed together. Mike could see that he was causing problems. And even though that's exactly what he wanted to do, he knew that he had to pretend that he was concerned. He announced that he was going to leave. Erica, however, worried that Mike's "injuries" would make hit a sitting duck for the bad guys. "Tell him to pack his bags," Jack ordered Erica. Erica reminded Jack that Mike was her guest and in her house. She made it known that no one orders her around. Erica tried her best to turn the tables on Jack. She blasted him for not taking her on her word when she said that she and Mike were just friends. She implied that had he not been traipsing around "Pig Slop, West Virginia" he could have seen that for himself. Jack was furious. He turned and stormed out of the room. In the hallway, Opal called out to Jack and started chasing after him. Erica scolded Mike for getting her into trouble. Mike told Erica that Jack would come back after he cooled off---but that wasn't enough assurance for Erica. She dashed out of the room and tried to catch up to her angered lover. Downstairs, Opal chased after Jack all the while claiming that she had not been eavesdropping---she'd simply been looking for an earring she dropped in the hall. Jack stormed out of the house and Opal thought that it might not be a bad idea for her to leave too. Erica ran to the door just as Jack was speeding down the driveway.

Janet stopped by Trevor's house to drop off Amanda's wedding dress. Trevor was down in the dumps because he feared that he might not be able to prove that Brooke committed justifiable homicide. Janet called Trevor one of the sharpest legal minds in the game and didn't waver in her confidence that Trevor would win the case. She explained that Trevor and Brooke had the truth on their side. She told Trevor that all he needs to do is tell the truth about what kind of man Jim Thomasen was. She even went as far as to suggest that Trevor tell the jury that he would have acted the same way in a similar situation. Trevor appreciated the pep talk. He gave Janet a hug and commented that it was ironic that they'd become such good friends. The hug stirred up feelings of romance in Janet, but she managed to fight off her feelings long enough to mount an escape. Janet once again suggested that her wedding date be postponed. Trevor told Janet that she deserved the perfect wedding and that her love for Axel could not wait. He then forced her into promising that she wouldn't try to postpone or delay the wedding in any way.

When Opal returned to Cortlandt Manor, she found Palmer sitting on their bed with his head in one of her romantic advice books. Palmer skimmed several of the passages, but he didn't put much stock in what he saw as "psycho-babble." Opal worried that Palmer's disdain for the books meant that he was not interested in repairing their tattered marriage. Surprisingly, that was not the case. A mellowed Palmer first commented that he liked Opal's new and less flashy outfit. He then told her that their marriage means a great deal to him and pledged to do whatever it takes to get things back to the way they were. Opal kissed Palmer and told him how happy he'd made her. Opal then remembered that she'd walked out on Erica in a time of crisis. Palmer asked for the details on Erica's latest conflict. Opal told him all about Erica's fling with a government agent. She wondered aloud about why a spy would be in Pine Valley. Palmer's face dropped and he stared off into space. Opal asked Palmer why he looked so concerned. The smoldering embers of love had been inexplicably extinguished. Palmer told Opal that his problems were nothing for her to worry about and headed off to his private study to be alone. Opal was left alone---again---to wonder what she'd said wrong.

Back at Linden, both Erica and Mike had gotten dressed. Mike remained sure that Jack would return after he cooled off. When the pair entered the livingroom area, they found Jack sitting on the far side of the room. Erica was relieved to see that her beau had returned. Jack told Erica that he'd reconsidered his position and decided that there was more than enough room at Linden for all of them. Then, putting a campy James Bond twist on the situation, Jack asked the secret agent how he likes his martinis prepared."

- Soap Central